I’m hoping that after the exam is over and the stress it is causing wanes, I can get my sleep patterns back to normal. It has been a big problem of late that I have, once again, reverted to a night cycle. I’m starting to think this is my natural sleep pattern because it is so easy for me to slip into but at the same time, I remember that last time I gave in to it, I was in the middle of a hypermanic period and I ended up with a lot of problems that have taken until very recently to fix. I am therefore worried about the state of my sleep patterns because they may well be an indication of how my illness is progressing.
Revision is coming to a head now, as is my constant worry over whether I have done enough to be prepared for the exam on Thursday afternoon. My biggest problem is that I went into the last exam thinking I knew everything I needed to and also being very confident of my ability to answer the questions put to me. I remember sitting in the exam, answering every question with citations to case law and statute to back up my answers. I failed the exam. I don’t want that to happen again but how do I get past the problem that I feel I know my stuff now but I felt the same back then, too?
I don’t have an answer to that. My Dad says I have to put the past aside and focus on now but that is most definitely easier said than done. I know that my moods are up right now, which adds to the problem. I feel confident, but scared at the same time. Perhaps the only way these conflicted feelings are going to go away is if I continue to revise as best I can, continue to prepare myself for the exam as best I can and then take the damn exam on Thursday. After that, there’s nothing more I can do.
Maybe then I can put this worry out of my mind.